Dad Jokes: 100 Groan-Worthy Zingers That Make Us Laugh Anyway
Dad jokes: the legendary one-liners and puns that live in the land between hilarious and horrendous. They’re delivered with the same unwavering confidence as a dad firing up the grill in socks and sandals. You may roll your eyes, sigh in defeat, or laugh in spite of yourself—but you can’t deny their timeless appeal.
So what makes a joke a “dad joke”? It’s not just about being a dad—it’s about the spirit: clean, pun-filled humor told with gusto. To celebrate this classic form of comedy, here’s an exploration of dad jokes—with 100 actual jokes sprinkled throughout for your laughing (or groaning) pleasure.
Why Do We Love Dad Jokes?
Dad jokes are predictable, punny, and painfully simple. Yet somehow, they bring families together. Whether told during a road trip, at the dinner table, or on the sidelines of a soccer game, these zingers connect generations through awkward laughs and shared groans.
And now… let the dad jokes begin!
READ MORE: Funny Jokes
Classic One-Liners
- I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
- I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
- Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de-brie.
- Want to hear a construction joke? I’m still working on it.
- I would tell you a joke about paper, but it’s tearable.
- My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
- Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
Food & Drink Funnies
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
- What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? Yellow.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice.
Animal-Inspired Groans
- Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
- What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
- How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.
- Why did the crab never share? Because he was shellfish.
- How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite.
- Why can’t leopards play hide and seek? Because they’re always spotted.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
Tech & Nerdy Dads
- Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.
- Why don’t robots ever panic? They have nerves of steel.
- Why did the smartphone need glasses? It lost its contacts.
- What kind of computer sings? A Dell.
- Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
- What do you call a dinosaur that uses the computer? A Megabyte-a-saurus.
- Why can’t you trust an atom? They make up everything.
- I would tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- Why did the photon check no bags? It was traveling light.
Music & Entertainment Dad jokes
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
- What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-na!
- Why did the piano break up with the accordion? It found someone more in tune.
- Why can’t you trust an opera singer? They’re always a little flat.
- What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.
- What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trom-bone.
- Why was the musician arrested? He got in treble.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite musical note? The high C!
- How do you fix a broken tuba? With a tuba glue.
Quick Wordplay Wins
- I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
- I got hit in the head with a can of soda—thankfully, it was a soft drink.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- I’m no good at math, but I know 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
- I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- I know a lot of jokes about retired people—but none of them work.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity—it’s impossible to put down.
- Why did the man fall into the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
- Why can’t bicycles stand on their own? They’re two-tired.
Road Trip Dads
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine—he woke up.
- Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other side.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
- Why did the man run around his bed? To catch up on sleep.
- What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
- Why did the man take a ladder to the bar? Because the drinks were on the house.
- What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad.
- How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints.
- I don’t trust stairs—they’re always up to something.
Everyday Dad-isms
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
- My dog used to chase people on a bike… but then I took his bike away.
- I once had a dream I was floating in an orange soda. It was more of a Fanta-sea.
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
- My friend wants to become an archaeologist, but his life is in ruins.
- I once got fired from a bank for counting with my fingers.
- I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together.
- My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.
- My wife said I should do yoga. I told her, “Namaste in bed.”
- I’m writing a book on reverse psychology—please don’t buy it.
So Bad They’re Good
- What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
- Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
- I once made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
- What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.
- I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
- My calendar is full of days that are just not my type.
- I opened a bakery. I kneaded the dough.
- I once got into a fight with a broken elevator—I took it to another level.
- What happens when you witness a crime at the Apple store? You become an iWitness.
- I broke my arm in two places. My doctor told me to stop going to those places.
Wrapping Up with a Groan
- Want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind—it’s too cheesy.
- Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- I’m afraid of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
- Why was the broom late? It swept in.
- What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business.
- What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
- Why are skeletons so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
- I told 10 dad jokes to my kids to see which ones made them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Final Thought:
Dad jokes may be corny, but they’re a comedic treasure. Whether they make you laugh or cringe, they always leave a mark. So go ahead—share one today and proudly carry on the tradition of the world’s greatest pun-tellers: dads.
